« A diary of hospital life following a diagnosis of acute kidney failure »

27th September 2006: Kidney surgery

The cost of learning!

'Nil by mouth'
*Blah* Pencilled in for mid-day.
WooHoo! Going in the first slot instead!

First off, due to various environmental tests going on, I was delayed going in. Not a problem at all as there were a number of forms to fill in. Only it was absolutely freezing! I, I, I'mmmm, alright, rrrreally!. Didn't want to make a fuss but it was a new, state of the art theatre and the equipment had to be kept cool and all that icy refridgerated air was blowing over me - wearing only my birthday suit and a theatre gown. I think they mummified me in about five blankets before I stopped shivering!

Actually it was that cold I stayed entombed in wool during the entire operation. It was fascinating (up to the point I started screaming) really. All shiny banks of computers, digital scanners and ultrasound, banks of monitors. My inner nerd was completely fascinated.

There is a proper name for this procedure but for the life of me I can't recall it. Basically put a draining tube . They give you a local anesthetic and using these scanners guide a microscopically thin controllable wire into your back and guide it through your kidney, down to along the ureter and into the bladder. Then they slide the equally fine stent over the wire and "Bob's your uncle", you are fixed. That was the plan anyway…

At this stage I will point you are fully conscious and the local that only helps so much. Because of the delicate nature of the operation you have to remain absolutely still (hence I was still wrapped in blankets to stop me shivering) and could only move to inhale/exhale and hold as needed. Something to do with the rib cage and accessing the kidney. So there I was, doing my damnedest to follow the surgeon via his screens, wincing and cussing loadly depending what they were doing, when I felt this warm feeling all over my back and side and a profound sense of relief along with the pain.

I remember vividly thinking:
Please be blood, please be blood. Ah, it's too warm, too wet and the nurse is dancing back. Ah crap, I've piddled on the operating table!
Not piddled literally, but I was retaining a lot of 'water' under some pressure it seems and when the tubing reached a certain point it found it's outlet and poured out the small vent in my back. I was so embarrassed! They cleaned me up and continued, or not as it proved. Actually I noticed the surgeon had blood splashed on his shoes, so maybe, I dunno! All the same, this wire was like 1,000th on an inch wide and they still couldn't guide it to my bladder, the way was too blocked. They did try, with my permission, and stopped when I screamed the place down. It REALLY HURT.

That's me going back under a general anesthetic then!

Incidentally, I actually wrote these notes up a few days later as I was too sore to more an inch. Literally to move an inch. Due to the nature of kidney procedures it is a standard practice that you perfectly lay still for no less than six hours. I wasn't going anywhere!

As an aside, the painkillers they gave me made me so sick that after two days I voted for suffering in agony over wanting to hurl all day long. Can't recall what the pills were, but I'll not touch them again!

One last point. Remember the sentence about the warm feeling a paragraph or two back? Well, I lost about 3kg in body weight - The average bladder holds about 400ml and I drained litres of the stuff out my back, it seems!

hmmm